Contact us via email

We always love to hear from our family and friends, so we've added this simple and easy to use contact email form for everyone to quickly touch base with us .... because we care .... a lot

Go on, give this email for a red hot go. It looks like fun, and you know you want to .... Of course, we're unlikely to ever see the email, the form will really annoy you, it will waste 5 minutes of your life, and you'll naively think we care.

In short you get to think we do care, while we get to not care at all; so it's a win win for everyone involved

Name ... (Yours, not ours dummie. We know our own names)

(to fully get a laugh out of who's filling this shit out, your name wastes more of your time, adds a another layer of enjoyment for us and another layer of effort for you)

Email ... (Your email, not ours. We don't have an email, or certainly not one that your message will ever get delivered to anyway)

(adding your email will provide unfounded and humorous hope that we might eventually reply. We wont reply because we'll never get the message and it will take you weeks to figure that out)

What is the general purpose of your message, make a selection from the following
—Please choose an option—Life or Death, for you or us (preferably you, therefor less urgent)Financial sponsorship of our trip (triggers instant responce)Ivan Melat has escaped (direction required)There's a crocodile behind us. Oh shit, how big?To airdrop a red Cross packageShare a religious apparitionTo share your recent lottery winTo pre-share a predicted future lottery winAnnoying relentless uninteresting dribbleTell us we're going the wrong way. (We know that already)Some boring story from your boring lifeJust having awesome fun with this super fun formYou know where there's cheap fuelYou want to subsidise expensive fuelAll two for one offers

To which member of the Crusty team do thy wish to converse
[checkbox checkbox-620 exclusive "Ross (care level zero)" "Barb (care level 3)" "Daniel (care level zero" "Max (care level 10, help me)" or "Banjo" (Banjo only on selected adventures, even less now that Barb killed her]
(Please note Max prefers talking to emailing, so you may wish to call him on his mobile phone)

Do you expect a reply
YesYes (really??)Yes (you're just being precious now)NoNaively hopeful

Do you honestly expect that anyone will ever see this email once you push the send button below?
Yes (got ya, ha)NoNoAngry No
(statistical question for our own amusement)

Your native language, make a selection from the following
Haitian CreoleSign LanguageSarcasmLanguage of love
ESPElvish!Xóõ (Taa)Religious ZealotismDrunken Scribble
Pirate speakPig LatinSwahiliBushman of the Kalahari
DothrakiAlien'eseNa'viKlingonHTMLBlinking (once for Yes, twice for No)
(This clever web form can sense your native language and your input will converted to English regardless what you click)

Do you think that this email form seems to have an unusually high amount of boxes to fill out

Are you starting to think that maybe this web email form is just taking the piss

Email Subject

In a few words, what the hell is so important that we need to be disturbed .... (that's a 'few' words Shakespeare)

Would you like to attach a file for us, say a pic of a pretty girl, a recipe, directions (we could use that, or maybe a map), or a scan of your credit card. You also can attached packages, such as booze, care packages and car parts(0.5mb limit)

Type Your so called Very Very Important Message here (and we kinda promise to maybe read it)

Security question
Is Ross the best blog writer, ever ??
(you must answer, the right answer, or your progress will stop right here. Go on type "no", you know you want to. See how long you can hang out before you eventually give up and just type "yes"

(Choose "Super Fast Express Send" for almost guaranteed next day Capitol City delivery, at very affordable prices)

Δ